I get to read things like these in physician's notes:
1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was
very hot in bed last night.
2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.
4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
depressed.
5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
6. Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but
forgetful.
8. The patient refused autopsy.
9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with
only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. She is numb from her toes down.
14. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
15. The skin was moist and dry.
16. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until
she got a divorce.
20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
therapy.
21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job
as a stock broker instead.
25. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
27. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
I'm guilty of thinking number six upon occasion. :)
Friday, February 20, 2009
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10 cool kids gave me some sugah:
Too many good ones to list a favorite, but number 22 made me laugh especially hard.
I too read medical records for a living. I think doctors have no idea what a dangling modifier is! Every H&P and discharge is full of grammatical errors, which makes for some funny reading.
I don't think I could possibly pick a favorite, so hilarious and scary all at once! I thought the nursing student's comments when they evaluate courses and faculty were scary! That's gotta be one of the most fun parts of your job!!
I have forwarded this to some of my friends and am expecting this to become an internet sensation soon. Why should Go Fug Yourself get the only book deal?
Six was definitely one of my favorites. High-larious!
Oh my goodness, those had me giggling.
I just wanted to know that I found your site from Aunt Becky, and that I will totally be lurking from here on out, because your posts made me laugh out loud, AND you watch ghost hunters!
OMG---way too funny!
Weirdly enough, my verification word is "enemybo". Is that when you you have to give your boyfriend an enema?
You are officially my new favorite person. Seriously.
Aside from the violation of confidentiality involved in posting these, the comments are cute.
I can relate to most of them. Especially number 27:
"Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities."
Which is as it should be. Insanity, after all, is hereditary; you get it from your kids.
Hilarious.
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