* Slipped in a puddle of water my cat had lovingly drooled from his water dish across the entirety of my kitchen while going out to the entryway, grabbed the doorframe with one hand and the door with another in an attempt to steady myself and smashed my fingers in the process. The blue haze over the Midwest? Is totally my doing and will likely be heard for generations to come, much like the WW II submarine noises that can still be heard in the ocean.
* Got involved in a (friendly. HA!) game of beer pong with a group of friends who get out and get social MUCH more often than I do. How intoxicated was I? Let's just say I was at a point where I was in love with everyone and everything and my sweet Jesus you guys are so awesome! Are we having fun? Hell yes we're having fun!
Singing "Mandy" by Barry Manilow sounded like a really good idea. Feckin' MANDY. Who sings Barry Manilow when they've got a snootfull?
Besides me, apparently.
Oh, and my liver still hates me for it and the pancreas is following her lead. Turns out you really CAN break your pancreas like I've been claiming to do all these years. Who knew?
Anyone wanna give me a chunk of liver if I need it? It's highly vascular tissue and will regenerate for you! For realsies!
* In a fit of rageyness, stubbornness and industry, emptied my entire living room of furniture ALONE BY MYSELF to prepare for the new furniture coming tomorrow. While moving the Couch that is Longer Than I am Tall ALONE BY MYSELF, I managed to flatten myself between it and the doorframe and get stuck like a cork in a bottle. After yelling feebly for Boy Wonder a few times and realizing that I'd die there and the cats would snack on me before he came to investigate, I got pissed enough that I ripped the (attached) cushions off the back of it and hurled them at the curb, earning enough wiggle room to A-get unstuck B-steer the bad boy curbside (DOWNHILL! Well, DOWNSTAIRS! anyway) and C-hoist it into a position where it would be unobtrusive to pedestrians in one fluid motion. Right now, my She-Ra Princess of Power-ness impresses me. Tomorrow morning when my gallbladder is the only thing not strained, pulled, or wrenched, I will feel like an idiot. This is why it gets moron billing.
Any of you done something really dumb you want to share with me to make me feel better? I promise not to laugh.
Well, I promise not to laugh real hard anyway.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
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4 cool kids gave me some sugah:
HA!
I'm sorry, I'm still laughing over the singing of Mandy. Hey, at least it wasn't Bon Jovi. That seems to be the drunk song of choice at the Chalet.
And when I got really, really, really drunk I sang that Clarence Carter song, um, oh, yeah. Strokin'. Gosh, I'm such a lady. Good Lord. And I proposed to approximately six men, including Eli Manning (not that he knows, since he was on the TV at the time).
Does that help?
You can come out to Vegas and join Barry, he still has a regular show at the Hilton. I think it's part of his act, but I haven't been to see him.
No, but thanks for the good laugh on my part! Ha ha, you are funny. And wow, I won't ever make you mad at me, cause you might just rip my head off like those cushions! Go you!
I actually LITERALLY danced my pants off at Zumba today...I'm totally serious, my pants were half down my heiney, revealing my polka-dotted undies! I tried to gracefully and discreetly yank them up as I shimmied...by the way, if you're ever free at 10 am on a Saturday, head to Shut UP & Dance it's a blast when you're not revealing your underwear!
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